Well Here's What I Think...

Not Here to Make You Comfortable

Yes, it’s another 3 AM morning. I’m beating myself up for how I reacted in a meeting yesterday. Not because I behaved unprofessionally or inappropriately but because I was “too direct.” I’m equally pissed at myself for not keeping my mouth shut (they already think I’m a raving bitch) and at the injustice that still—even after 25 years in my career— makes that nasty voice inside me say “well maybe you should learn to just STFU.”

The patriarchy demands women be gracious, polite, even-tempered, mild-mannered, and, most of all, silent. I am none of these things. And the patriarchy does not deal kindly with women who refuse to behave as though we’re less whatever than men.

I was reading today’s WaPo article about Megan Rapinoe. She is a phenomenal athlete, out and proud, and a total badass. She’s also “controversial” because she won’t STFU about gender equality and LGTBQ rights (among other issues related to inclusion and diversity). The article’s title is “Megan Rapinoe isn’t here to make you comfortable,” and I thought “that’s fucking right.”

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I will persist; I will maintain my self-respect and authenticity. I will embrace the truth that I am not here to make people “comfortable,” I’m here to live fully and colorfully, here to love robustly, here to “Dare Greatly” (shout out to Brene’ Brown). However, I’m not so delusional as to believe that I won’t pay the price for walking this particular path of feminist righteousness.

Readings

Megan Rapinoe isn’t here to make you comfortable - Jerry Brewer, Washington Post, Jun 26, 2019

 Soccer star Megan Rapinoe suggests men ‘take a few hundred years off’ from leadership roles - WITW Staff, Jan 30, 2019

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead - Brené Brown

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Arrows in Our Backs

I woke up this morning at 4:58 AM because it’s Sunday. Why do I wake up just before 5 AM, sharp-minded and fired up, when I do NOT have to go to work? I suspect I’m naturally-inclined towards morning-personness, provided I can ease into the day.  “Easing” means staying in my pajamas, in the snug, drinking coffee, and reading the interwebs until I’m damn good and ready to face the day.

This morning, I read a piece in the New York Times Magazine about the Salk Institute’s “culture of marginalization and hostility” towards women scientists. Any woman who has forged a career in STEM will recognize these scientists’ stories.

Also, I read an article discussing Elizabeth Warren’s presidential candidacy and the likelihood that the Male Patriarchy Establishment will squash her campaign. Then I noticed a man wrote the article and I thought “Wait, what the fuck does he know about fighting back against the Male Patriarchy?” but I kept reading and came to this paragraph about the likability double-standard:

“And yet for a woman, being likable means something like being pliant, agreeable, submissive. And not intelligent or thoughtful. It means never standing up for yourself — and especially not for your ideas because you’re not supposed to have any. Women who do those things are “difficult,” “troublesome,” “challenging.” They don’t “fit”; they don’t “behave.” Minds aren’t things they’re supposed to have, just bodies — and if they do show any feelings, it proves how weak they are. The double bind of patriarchy — show that you have a heart, mind, or soul, and all it does is work against you. And yet the alternative is to act submissive and be furious inside forever.”

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 Yep. I realized years ago that no matter my professional qualifications and quality of work, my gender would always work against me because I am not (and have never been) willing to act like the men (and women) in charge expected me to behave. I refuse to give into the toxic, damaging double-standard the article discusses, and I’ve paid the price. I’ve been that woman who was “furious inside.” 

 I’ve had bosses (male AND female) tell me “tone it down,” “don’t be so aggressive,” “you need to be more of a ‘team player’,” or “don’t be so quick to speak up”  while I watched these same bosses praise and reward male coworkers for demonstrating the same behaviors for which they slammed me.  

 I’ve also been mentored and listened to because I’m smart and experienced and not afraid to speak the fuck up. I’ve enjoyed (enjoy) working with male bosses and coworkers that didn’t (don’t) see anything wrong with spiky-as-fuck women.

 It’s easier for me these days. I’m not so worried that I’ll lose my job for not knowing my place, for not being grateful that the boys let me into their tech-geek playhouse. The folks in charge still wish I’d shut the fuck up, but now all they do is grind their teeth and grimace. So be it.

I love Elizabeth Warren’s policy ideas, and I think she’d make a damn excellent president. But even if she loses, we win, because Sen. Warren is refusing to STFU about what’s wrong in America. Maybe a male candidate will adopt her policy ideas (sure, he’ll get the credit for coming up with such ‘innovative’ ideas) and the American people will benefit.

Or maybe, the next woman who runs, wins.

Another favorite? Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez!  AOC has all kinds of motherfuckers screaming at her to STFU and sit down. But she’s not giving in. I experience a deep, visceral joy watching this woman who is too young, too brown, too cute, too whatever push the too old and WAY too white establishment forward.

Taking the hits for refusing to comply with toxic, anachronistic rules for female behavior changes the fucking world, ladies. But being a change leader isn’t easy; the old world isn’t dying without a WW2-scale fight.

Readings

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

It's Mueller Time!

I must be excited about the Mueller Report release or something; I woke up at 3:45 AM, well before our alarm is set to wake us. I envy Bubba’s ability to fall back to sleep immediately; once I’m awake, I’m awake; it’s my hard-wiring. Speaking of hard wiring, I’m refreshing my awareness of what it means to move through this world as an INFP-A because the nonsense of it all is getting to me again.

I love 16personalities.Com because it reinforces that my type predisposes me to dissatisfaction and frustration with a work environment that “burdens [me] with bureaucracy and tedium.” Yep, none of that in the massive machine that is our Federal Government.

However, I am completely unwilling to give up the multitude of benefits that comes with my job— relative security, great work-life balance, closer parity between my salary and what I’d make in commercial, without the punishing pace of commercial IT, and retirement— and I’m so not interested in starting over. I knew this when I chose the MSIS program rather than the MS Applied Econ program. I might be bored with my current class, but I’m sure I made the right choice. 

My rising frustration with work means I need to reset and remember why I’m planning on retiring from my current employer. Aging while broke in America sucks, I’m a Gen-Xer, so I know better than to rely on Social Security, and there’s no way I’m working in an office one day longer than I must.

I need to create more and ruminate less!

Funny how these stream of consciousness posts work out.

When I sat down to write this morning, I’d planned a rant (hence the title) on resisting the distractions, and moving through the outrage to see the deeper truth of our country:

Unless we live off the interest and capital gains generated by the Smaug-sized treasure hordes we inherited from prior generations, we’re a “them.”

Stop allowing those One Percenter motherfuckers to Jedi Mind-trick us into believing that they give one iota of a fuck about us; they do not. Stop voting for people who enact policies that gut the Democracy for which we work our asses off. For more, here’s my rant on the GoP’s Tax Cut.

Oh well, there’s my INFP showing. I have to express all this idealism somewhere, or I lose my shit.

Here’ my latest ‘motivational’ meme.

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by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Wokeness is a Path

I started this post in November after the election when I was feeling cautiously optimistic about the Nov 6 “Blue Wave.” Bubba and I were talking about the responsibilities of being woke, and I commented: “wokeness isn’t a point you reach, it’s a path you walk.” My next writing topic had revealed itself. However, I realized quickly that my writing failed to capture the complexities of wokeness. My thoughts needed more time to develop, so I clicked save and walked away. I knew this piece would come together if I gave it some space; I just had to be patient and wait for the sign.

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Could the Universe be any clearer? Virginia could lose the entire top-tier of our elected Democratic leadership. The fourth guy in line is a Republican; Gov. Northam, Lt. Gov. Fairfax, and A.G. Herring resigning would put Virginia’s GOP back in charge. God help us all. Is it possible the alt-right asshats had this objective in mind when they posted the stories online? You tell me.

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Shit is getting real in Virginia, folks. 2020 is not just an election year, it’s time for the next Census, and the demographics in the U.S. have changed since 2010; more of us are Black and Brown, fewer of us are White.  If Republicans are in charge when it comes time to redefine the congressional districts, they’ll redistrict until Dems cannot win elections. We can not govern if we do not win (paraphrasing Aaron Sorkin).  

Of course, I’m infuriated that the Governor for whom I voted wore blackface; it’s offensive AF! I’m conflicted about choosing politicians who commit the little ‘e’ evils of the casually racist and privileged because the big ‘E’ Evildoers are so much worse.  We need to help each other rise above the outrage and unite against the divisive forces behind these events. Sometimes, this means I’m siding with a privileged AF white man who thought, at one point in his life, blackface was hilarious.

It’s critical we elect representatives that believe all Americans should benefit from America’s prosperity. It’s imperative we empower individuals committed to remaking a system that disenfranchises all but the uber-wealthy through aggressive voter suppression, election fraud, Felony Disenfranchisement, lack of healthcare, lack of childcare, stagnated wage growth, and predatory lending into a system that fosters National Wokeness.

To retain power, Republicans must convince Democrats to stay home on election day, every election day. They’re saying to the discouraged and disenfranchised, “see, they’re just as bad as we are, why bother voting at all?” We need desperately for our Black, Brown, and Poor brothers and sisters to push against these influences. To have a fighting chance, we must recognize that Americans are worse off when Republicans run America. We need our fellow citizens of color to vote.

We have much challenging work ahead of us. Just as we White Folk cannot declare ourselves as woke, White folk cannot progress up the path of wokeness in isolation. We need desperately for our fellow Americans of color to light the way.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Worst Things

It appears the President has been a very bad boy, Santa’s got nothing but coal for little Donnie Trump this year.

  • Cohen has been sentenced, and Trump has been implicated as an unindicted co-conspirator in the case.

  • Manafort’s cooperation deal with the Special Council is kaput. Mueller’s publicly-released sentencing memo details how Manafort covered up various criminal acts, at the direction of the president, then repeatedly lied about it when he was supposedly cooperating.

  • Maria Butina has pleaded “guilty” to conspiring to act as a foreign agent (no shit, people, she’s a RUSSIAN SPY)!

Worst yet:

  • American Media Inc. (A.M.I.) president and Trump ally David J. Pecker, has admitted to paying off Karen McDougal in 2016 to HELP PROTECT DONALD J. TRUMP’S ELECTION PROSPECTS, at Trump’s direction. Ouch, that’s a federal felony, folks.

    Pecker holds substantial documentary evidence of Trump’s criminal activity over three decades, thanks to the “catch and kill” arrangement he made with Pecker. One condition of A.M.I.’s plea deal is that they hand over everything they have on Trump to New York STATE prosecutors.

But wait, there’s more!

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Vanity Fair reports that incoming New York Attorney General, Letitia James, is planning a “major, sweeping investigation into Trump, his family, and anyone in his orbit who might have broken the law.” In her statement, Ms. James promises that the AG’s office ““…will use every area of the law to investigate President Trump and his business transactions, and that of his family as well…”” Daaammmmnnnnn.

Federal pardons do not apply to state crimes; Trump and his overly-privileged, entitled, and thoroughly corrupt troll hatchlings are so fucked. 

However, this is America, where justice is for sale and rich, white motherfuckers don’t always (almost never) ‘do the time’ for their crimes. It’s entirely possible that no one with the last name Trump (or Kushner) will get locked up. However, there are worse things than prison.

Trump is a terrible businessman. Since his total failure to turn Atlantic City into a gold-plated playground in the 1980s, he’s kept his company alive by laundering illicit Russian Mob money through extensive real estate schemes (aka “financial crimes”). His other primary revenue source is Trump brand licensing.

Ongoing criminal investigations have surfaced just how thoroughly Russia has compromised Trump, and made it exponentially more risky for Russia to leverage their asset. Bye-bye illegal-as-fuck Russian money.

Trump’s racism, xenophobia, and nationalism have damaged his brand to the point where companies are stripping his name off of their hotels, and retailers have dropped his daughter’s fashion line. Bye-bye brand-driven revenue.

Oh, and those Trump ‘charities’ that he and his have used for years to fund their ‘rich and famous’ lifestyle, and keep up those golf clubs that lose millions every year? Yes, those are history as well, courtesy of N.Y. A.G. James’s super-invasive justice probe. Bye-bye free ride.

Strip away the billions in dirty Russian money, the brand value that convinces people to listen to his “greatest businessman ever” bullshit, the media access to broadcast that BS across the globe, and the charities that enable him to dupe people and evade taxes, what is left?

A fraud; an impostor; a pretender. An ignorant, born-rich fuckwhit who has never built anything himself, never earned anything himself, and only values himself. Fully revealed, he is buck-ass naked, and his farcical presidency could cost him the only thing he truly values: his privilege.

Post-presidency, he’ll live in a world where he is a joke, not a genius, and the world will treat him accordingly. His loss of privilege is a far worse punishment than a federal or state prison sentence.

Happy Christmas, Mr. President.

Further Reading:

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

HELL YES I’m Angry!

It’s 3:01 AM so, of course, I’m awake and writing.  Generalized Anxiety Disorder is an evil motherfucker. I suppose I could have burned it off on the elliptical, but first I’d have to rummage around in the dark for my kicks, and there’s no way Bubba would stay asleep through that; I am so not ninja.

I’m listening to “Good and Mad” by Rebecca Traister and “Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower” by Brittney Cooper. Both women explore the revolutionary power of female rage. The authors are fantastic; the books are illuminating.

In Trump’s America, we women have a mega fuck-ton of injustices about which to be angry. The Kavanaugh appointment is just the latest insult. Republicans have cast aside all pretenses that anything other than protecting the White Male Patriarchy motivates them. The GOP is in full-on assault mode against the civil rights for which women and People of Color have bled. Pull on your big girl panties, Ladies, breaking down the White Male Patriarchal Power is not for ‘pussies’ and ‘bitches.’ Or is this EXACTLY who will save our Democracy?

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Election Day is November 6; if you’re not registered, get registered and VOTE!

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Fragile Snowflakes and Terrorists

Yesterday, a white man stormed into the offices of a local Maryland newspaper and gunned down five people while they worked, because he didn’t like a story they’d written about him. Inevitably, media reports describe this man as a "lone shooter," people who know him say “he kept to himself.” Soon to follow will be the flood of stories diagnosing the shooter’s various mental health illnesses— clearly, he has them; healthy people don’t MURDER INNOCENT PEOPLE IN A MASS SHOOTING— and then it’ll be all “thoughts and prayers” from politicians who take millions in campaign contributions from the NRA and gun manufacturers.

But we won’t hear one single goddamned word about white fragility or the radicalization of white Americans.

Dr. Robin DiAngelo, a racial and social justice educator, explains that “white people in North America live in a social environment that protects and insulates them from race-based stress. This insulated environment of racial protection builds white expectations for racial comfort while at the same time lowering the ability to tolerate racial stress, leading to what I refer to as White Fragility. It’s a state in which even a minimum amount of racial stress becomes intolerable, triggering a range of defensive moves, and displays of emotions such as anger, fear, and guilt…”

That’s right, White People, our whiteness protects us from all sorts of horrible shit that happens to POCs in the U.S. Read or watch the news (not FOX!) for examples, especially right now. Also, our whiteness protects us from the soul-crushing, spirit-grinding indignities that POCs experience every day because they’re living while Black or Brown in the U.S.A.

  • Have you ever paid double-digit interest rates on a mortgage or car loan, despite your above average credit score rating?
  • Has a teacher or employer ever declared condescendingly “You’re so articulate?”
  • Has anyone ever expressed surprise or disbelief when you’ve identified yourself as a highly skilled, educated professional?
  • Have residents looked at you with suspicion, ready to speed dial 911, as you walked down a street on which you didn't live? 
  • Have security guards followed you while you were shopping, and their surveillance began the moment you walked into the store?
  • Have the police ever pulled you over, while you were driving an expensive car, despite your adherence to all applicable traffic laws?
  • Has anyone ever looked at you, and then requested to change planes, trains or buses? 
  • Have you ever left, or considered leaving, your birth nation because staying dramatically lowered your children's life expectancy?
  • Has anyone ever yelled at you "GO BACK TO WHERE YOU CAME FROM!?"  

If the answer to most of these questions is “no,” you’re probably white.  And how do we know, for sure, that our whiteness swaddles us, all cozy and snug, in a white privilege baby blanket?

PEOPLE NEVER, EVER CALL THE COPS ON US WHEN WE SIT THE FUCK DOWN AT A STARBUCKS OR ASSAULT US FOR WALKING INTO A COMMUNITY POOL!

Because when you’re white, you belong everywhere; every public space is yours. But our white-centric world is changing. POCs are gaining influence and demanding justice. They're running for office, winning, and working with their white allies to remake the social structures that have reinforced white racial norms for generations, so these structures benefit all Americans equally.  As White Folk have begun experiencing a world where their race is no longer an all access Multipass,  many White Folk are losing their damn minds.

Washington Post, The terrible numbers that grow with each mass shooting

Washington Post, The terrible numbers that grow with each mass shooting

And some white men (white women also)  are so deeply indoctrinated into the abhorrent faith of white superiority and supremacy, they’re murdering those who fail to recognize their Divine Right to rule the world. 

And these fragile, snowflake motherfuckers have elected a racist-as-fuck president who, in cooperation with his congressional and corporate collaborators, will get to appoint a second alt-right judge to the Supreme Court.

For those keeping count, the Roberts Court (April 2017–present) is expected to be five hard right conservatives (Justices Roberts, Thomas, Alito, Gorsuch, and Kennedy's replacement) to four progressives (Justices Ginsburg, Breyer, Kagan, and Sotomayor). And lord help us, 'Notorious RBG' is 85; Justice Breyer is 79.

Better buckle in folks, there’s turbulence ahead.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Let's Rejoice: it's Pride!

So, it’s June 2018 and fuck me; it got here FAST! Big doings in June: it’s LGBTQ PRIDE —YEA Bisexual Visibility— it’s also my birthday month; I’m turning 48. I expected to feel older; seemed old when I was 25, not so much now. Funny how that happens. 
I’m writing, the 70s and 80s music is going in the background, and a severe thunderstorm is rolling in. Bubba’s upstairs ‘organizing’ and as long as he keeps his obsessively clutter-averse hands out of my craft closet, he can toss out whatever he thinks needs to go. Life is good. 

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I desperately needed an art fix. Also, I wanted to do something special for Pride. Here I am, declaring myself unambiguously, in bold, beautiful color. I am Queer; I am Bisexual.  At 48 years old, I’ve earned the right NOT to feel ashamed of who I am.  I have cast off that shame and embraced joy.

To all those in pain, struggling with the self-loathing and shame they inherited from their upbringing, I say this: wholeness is possible. Peace and happiness are within your reach.  

We Need Partners and problem-solving, Not Urban Warriors

I woke up this morning, and Bubba was watching the body cam video released by Sacramento Police: Watch Sacramento police shoot Stephon Clark dead (2-minute edit) 

What started as police responding to a 9-1-1 call about smashed car windows, escalated tragically to police shooting dead an unarmed black teenager. Dear sweet Jesus, why does this keep happening? I can't  wrap my head around exactly how a minor act of vandalism represents such a “clear and present danger” that it warranted such deadly force.   

Can You Tell Who's Who?

Can You Tell Who's Who?

We know the statistics; we’ve heard the reports. Black and brown parents across the country have “the talk” with their children for a genuinely horrifying reason: police are more likely to shoot kids of color than white kids. There's another: the militarization of local police.

Since 9/11, municipalities have disproportionately allocated law enforcement funds towards urban combat, including arming and training local police as if they’re deployed “in country.” We’re creating armies, not community police forces. The skills required to recognize, and resolve, an imminent threat are not the same as those necessary for effective community policing.

The U.S. military invests millions of dollars into training soldiers, sailors, and marines for urban combat in Iraq, Afghanistan, and the African continent. That’s good; this training substantially increases the chances that those serving come home alive.

How much money do local municipalities commit to training community police, rather than warriors?

For police to stop shooting our children, we need to stop training them to kill our children.

Warriors aren’t trained to hesitate; they’re not prepared to question or negotiate. They’re taught to resolve threats. They will address these “threats” by any means possible.  And when the only tools police have are their AR-15s, body armor, and urban combat training, all people appear threatening.

 

Thankful

During my latest internet house hunting session, I spotted the listing for an amazingly priced, 4-bed, 3-bath, 3000 sq. Ft. fixer-upper on Hilton Head Island’s ocean-side. Immediately I think it’s perfect! We wouldn’t have to live there during the reno. I can manage the project remotely from Sandra Place. We’ll need to renovate an older house anyway to get the location, sq footage, and price we want, why not this one? Bonus: someone already finished the demo! What an exciting opportunity to make the house ours!

Bubba is wise to my wily ways; he knows I tend to dive in, head-first, without knowing the water’s depth. I had to chill; I had to pick the right moment. That moment happened while watching the latest “Property Brothers.”

Casually, I said, “so I found a serious fixer-upper on HHI ocean side for under 400K; current owner already gutted it."

I got a little excited when Bubba didn’t immediately come back with “You’re nuts” or “Bored much, now that you’re out of school?” or “it’s not as easy as it looks on HGTV.”  But then

Bubba: “Sure, if the Property Brothers themselves do the reno,” which is Bubba’s amusing way of saying you're smoking crack, dear, there's no way we’re purchasing that fixer-upper.  

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I’m thankful Bubba checks my delusional impulses, especially when the “exciting opportunity” involves throwing thousands and thousands of dollars into a hurricane-ravaged house 559 miles away from our primary residence.

I'm thankful that this Thanksgiving is our 27th together. The crockpot is doing all the cooking, we're going to spend the day at the movies. "Murder on the Orient Express" and "Justice League", I think.  I'm thankful for the long weekend. I'm thankful I get to spend a stress-free holiday with my favorite person, doing one of our favorite things. 

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Dreams, Dystopia, Puppies, and Rainbows

Sunday night I dreamt I was stuck in an airport waiting for a severely delayed flight, with English actor Gemma Arterton and actor/writer/producer and gamer-geek extraordinaire Wil Wheaton. Gemma and Wil were returning to their respective U.K. and L.A. homes after a Supercon (no idea which one). I was returning home from a trip (no idea where I went or why I went there). They were interested in me, so they popped over to have a chat. Dream logic, people, it does not have to make sense.

After I recovered from my “holy shit, you’re Gemma Arterton and Wil Wheaton, and you’re talking to me” reaction, we discussed the current U.S. and U.K. political environments. We three agreed: both sides of the Pond are utterly fucked.

Despite the dream's dire vibe, I woke up feeling unusually optimistic about the future. Which is fucking weird, considering the state of things right now. I would love to believe no one saw this mess coming, but LOADS of people saw this coming. We just chose to disregard their warnings.

I read the novels Brave New World and Nineteen Eighty-Four in 1984; I was 14. Huxley and Orwell’s futures feature oppressive authoritarian forces that anesthetize and dehumanize people, making the population easier to control. Aldous Huxley published Brave New World in 1932, as fascist powers began reasserting themselves in England and Europe. George Orwell published Nineteen Eighty-Four in 1949, just after the Allies defeated the Axis powers in a devastating war that engulfed most of our planet. Events in Europe, Asia, and two world wars almost certainly informed Huxley and Orwell’s work. How could they not?

From Huxley and Orwell, I moved onto Margaret Atwood, Philip K. Dick, and William Gibson. Holy fuck, do these three forecast some seriously bleak shit.

  • In Dick’s future, monopolistic corporations and authoritarian governments marginalize the “common man.”

  • Atwood foretells of oppressive, patriarchal governments that socially dominate women and destroy our planet.

  • Gibson predicts a world where powerful multinational corporations reap the benefits of society’s technological progress while leaving ordinary folk to suffer progress’ messy externalities. Governments are non-entities.

ANY OF THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?

We Americans rejoice in our superiority over other countries, while we ignore the authoritarian forces that work, deliberately and with “glorious purpose,” to undermine the institutions that protect us and our democracy. Through deregulation and corporate consolidation, families like Koch and Mercer concentrate their wealth and influence. This wealth funds their extraordinary campaign donations, paying Congress to redraw districts, change voting laws and nominate increasingly more “right-thinking” federal judges.

There are plenty of reasons to despair; why am I optimistic?

1. Science Fiction. If the human mind can imagine it, then humans can accomplish it, given sufficient will, resources, and technology. Hell, wearable computers, videophones, and self-driving cars— all of which now exist— use to be science fiction! We have already imagined a world without scarcity, poverty or homelessness, where all beings are equal (Star Trek). I believe humans will build such a world. It is merely a matter of time.

2. Human history. Specifically, the human evolutionary timeline. Check this out:

  • The earliest mammal appeared on Earth approximately 160 million years ago.
  • Primates appeared 85 million years ago, 75 million years after the first mammal.
  • Another 60 million years passed before Hominids appeared at 15 million years.
  • 12.2 million more years passed before our human (Homo genus) progenitors showed up at 2.8 million years.
  • Modern Homo Sapiens didn’t emerge until about 200,000 years ago, after 2 million more years of evolution.
  • Recorded human history only began about 5,500 years ago. Yes, folks, it took us 194,000 more years to develop writing!

Fast forward approximately 4,000 years or so...

  • The Industrial Revolution, the late 1700s to the late 1800s.
  • First car – 1886 (a Benz Patent-Motorwagen).
  • First flight – 1903.
  • Penicillin - 1928.
  • First computer - 1936.
  • Nuclear fission - 1938.
  • First orbital flight - 1957.
  • The Moon Walk - 1969.
  • The World Wide Web - 1989.
  • The Human Genome fully mapped - 2004.
  • And just this week astronomers detected gravitational waves from merging neutron stars (seriously, how cool is this!?).
"All puppies and rainbows? That remains to be seen. Based on historical evidence, this puppy panel is unconvinced." 

"All puppies and rainbows? That remains to be seen. Based on historical evidence, this puppy panel is unconvinced." 

We have accomplished many great things in such a short time! Relative to the total span of the human evolutionary timeline, we Homo Sapiens are very, very young. We are still growing— at a painfully slow pace, perhaps— but growing. Perhaps increasing my “soma” dosage has me seeing nothing but puppies and rainbows, but I’m hopeful we’ll survive long enough to outgrow all our fuckwhittery.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

In Memory of a Bullshit Masculine Ideal

So, Hugh Hefner died Wednesday. On Thursday articles deluged the Interwebs debating various facets of these two main arguments:

Argument One:  Hefner, and Playboy’s 63-year existence, have been tremendously DAMAGING to women, our body images, our sexuality and our sense of self as sentient, independent beings. Playboy supports the male patriarchy; it objectifies and OPPRESSES women.

Argument Two: Hefner, and Playboy’s 63-year existence, have been tremendously BENEFICIAL for women, our body images, our sexuality and our sense of self as sentient, independent beings. Playboy supports feminists’ ideas and LIBERATES women.

At best, these arguments lack nuance. At worst, they ignore that men too are increasingly more objectified in the media. But this post isn’t about those arguments.

The Kinsey Scale is better than what came before it, but...

The Kinsey Scale is better than what came before it, but...

As I scrolled through the various Hefner and Playboy headlines, I noticed a distinct lack of debate on the impact 63-years of Playboy has had on MEN. Yes, you read me right: the impact Playboy has had on men.

For decades, Hugh Hefner, via Playboy, dictated a particular, and narrowly-scoped template for male sexuality (within the prescribed bell curve). Hefner's man is hyper-masculine, perpetually on the lookout for a new sexual partner, and unquestionably a “0” on the Kinsey Scale. He’s a mash-up of James Bond, Jay Gatsby, and the Energizer Bunny. Most of all, Hefner's ‘Playboy’ is having ‘ fuck’tons (lol) of sex!

These labels did not exist in 1948 when Kinsey released his "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" report.  Hopefully, we'll advance to the point where we do not label our gender and sexual identity at all. 

These labels did not exist in 1948 when Kinsey released his "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" report.  Hopefully, we'll advance to the point where we do not label our gender and sexual identity at all. 

In the World According to Playboy, gender identity and sexuality are fixed constants. Cis male always equates to masculine; men are either 100 percent gay or 100 percent straight. A man’s libido only has two settings: ready to go or completely disinterested. Nothing ever diminishes a man’s sex drive and virility: not stress; not age; not illness; not medications that lower blood pressure (think about it), alleviate Depression or minimize pain. Nothing EXCEPT the lack of sexual attraction.

In fact, gender identity and sexuality run along a broad spectrum. Libido varies highly among individuals, and multiple psychological and physiological factors affect one’s sex drive, in addition to sexual desire.

Hefner’s ideal is absurdly unrealistic. Playboy sends an obvious, damaging message: if you do not fit the template, then you are abnormal and broken sexually in some way.

If Cosmo, and other fashion mags, damage women (their core readership) because they perpetuate unrealistic feminine ideals, it follows that Playboy, which also perpetuates unrealistic masculine ideals, is detrimental to men. 

May this antiquated, destructive archetype rest in peace. 

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

History? OK, Let’s Talk About History

This past weekend,  Manassas City officials cancelled the annual “Manassas Civil War Weekend.” Because goddamn, that is exactly what would spread peace, love and healing among the people after Charlottesville, a festival celebrating the Civil War, complete with reenactments of the 1st and 2nd Battles of Manassas. 

One year, a Confederate reenactor used LIVE AMMO and shot a Union reenactor. Given our current political climate, cancelling this event was the right call. I applaud City leaders for their good sense--not something we always see in our politicians.

The idea that we continue to celebrate the point in history when this country was at its most divided stumps the fuck out of me. No doubt, we are severely divided right now, but half of us haven’t taken up arms against the rest of us—at least not yet.

The terrible truth is that many in the U.S. (not just southerners) embrace the “white-pride” ideology that the Confederacy, the Stars and Bars, and Nazi symbols communicate. Others argue they're all about fighting back against a tyrannical Federal Government; they are trying to “take their country back” from unconstitutional government overreach. Still, others insist that they’re just “honoring our nation’s history and culture,” as they whitewash the fuck out of the evils white men have perpetrated on women, people of color, and indigenous peoples.

I call BULLSHIT! The southern states mobilized against this country— a treasonous act of armed rebellion if ever there was one— for one reason and one reason only: slavery!

Wealthy southern landowners knew damn well that, without slave labor, they could not maintain their highly privileged way of life, and compete with the industrialized North. The South prospered for 200 years at the extraordinary expense of Black men, women, and children.

THAT’S our history.

The forced relocation of thousands of Native Americans from their ancestral lands onto reservations. The horrid living conditions on the reservations, and the continued disenfranchisement of Tribal Nations by white men.

THAT’S our history.

THE VA LEGISLATURE PROTESTING DESEGREGATION by naming all those public schools after those damn Confederate generals and political figures, to intimidate Black students and reinforce the message "you do not belong here." 

THAT’S our history!

As white folk, we bear neither the guilt nor the responsibility for our white ancestors’ sins, but we damn sure have an obligation to make certain we never repeat this history. And we are failing in this because too few of us speak out, too many of us declare we’re “not political,” and far too many of us believe that we, as white folk, are more deserving than our fellow citizens of color.

Here’s some more history for you…family history.

My family has been in Virginia since the 1600s. Our history runs throughout Northern Virginia; a few of my ancestors fought in the Army of Northern Virginian. One of these men fought at Manassas. I know this because my grandfather loved researching our family history, and he shared this history with me.

I know that my family owned slaves because Granddad proudly showed me the ancestor’s will in which people were bequeathed as property, along with livestock and land, to his white children.  My grandfather was proud of this history; I was horrified.

Now, I’m not congratulating myself for my extraordinary “wokeness.” Being horrified that your family owned other people is not righteousness, it’s the minimum bar for being human!

There is no other way to say it: my grandfather was a racist.  Closeted, perhaps, but still a racist. I say “closeted” because, in public, he kept his opinions to himself. He believed that God created all men, but people should stick with their own “kind.” He did not consider himself racist.  He wasn’t in the Clan; he wasn’t anti-Civil Rights, Granddad wasn’t against Black folk voting, he didn’t hate working with Black coworkers. If he were alive today, he would argue that he was “tolerant.”

He very much believed that white men were superior to all others, and that white man should have greater privilege than a black or brown man. And I have other family members who believe this too, some more openly than others.

Not all racists wear hoods, or Swastika arm bands, or march down streets carrying Confederate or Nazi flags. Many describe themselves as ‘tolerant’ of other cultures. They’re simply ‘defending white culture,' or ‘protecting their free speech’ or ‘protesting political correctness’ or any of the dozens of other dog-whistle euphemisms these alt-right fucks infect our society with, via social media. They are a plague; they are also very well-armed. 

These folks are our neighbors, our coworkers, the people running our schools, our kids Scout troops and their little league teams.

These folks are our neighbors, our coworkers, the people running our schools, our kids Scout troops and their little league teams.

Here are a few questions for ya'll white folk out there to ponder:

  • Do these images of legally-armed white men marching down our streets make you anxious?
  • Do you think you would have been more anxious if these legally armed men had been black?
  • If these legally armed white men were black or brown, do you think the police would have been as “hands-off” as they were in Charlottesville?

Oh hell, I can't even! There is no way a group of legally-armed Black men would risk marching down a U.S. street in lawful protest against their systemic disenfranchisement. White folks would lose their damn minds, and the police would lock such an event down the moment a black (or brown or Muslim) man with a gun walked onto a public street. The brutal truth is that such a man likely would have been gunned down by police, no questions asked. If you think otherwise, you need to check your privilege.

 

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Welcome to the Year of “Nope!”

So yesterday was my 47th birthday. I’m not terribly invested in the whole birthday thing, but I do take the opportunity for introspection. I pause and consider my life to date. I examine what, if any, changes are required to move me forward.  Upon review, I must say things are good. If fact, things are amazing! Mostly because this was the year I learned to say “Nope.”

“Hey, Spazzie. You have to put up with all our bullshit because blood relates us.”
Spazzie: “Nope.”

“Hey, Spazzie, you’re a terrible person, but that’s OK because we’re family and we’ll always love you, even though you suck.”
Spazzie: “Nope.”

"Hey, Spazzie, our actions don't matter. It's what we SAY that's important."
Spazzie: "Nope."

“Hey, Spazzie, our needs come first! After all, it was all your fault that we were incredibly shitty parents, who ignored or negated your emotional needs because we were too immature and self absorbed to take care of you.”
Spazzie: “Nope.”

“Hey, Spazzie, you’re the worst person ever!”
Spazzie: “Nope.”

Yes, dear readers, this is the year I finally— after years and years of eating shit, battling crippling guilt, deflecting my negative feelings, rationalizing irresponsible and inconsiderate behavior, and accepting the blame for circumstances that I had no control over— that I said, “No More.”

The face says it all, No?

The face says it all, No?

And damn, if it hasn’t been the best motherfucking year of my life!  Because finally, it is, my life. The best part is that I didn’t have to screw anyone else to build this life. I built it through hard work and persistence. I did not do it alone. Bubba was there, fighting with me. We forged this life together, and resurrected ourselves, from the flaming wreckage of our childhoods.

I’m extremely fortunate that the man I married 26 years ago is still my best friend. He’s my most ardent ally. I am never sorry I wake up next to him. There are no words to express the depth of love and respect I have for this man. He is amazing, brilliant and loving; He’s also a seriously good person. I am so blessed that he continues to choose to be my partner.

I’ve finally come out to the world, and have actively engaged in the LGBTQ community on a deeper level, which has been a tremendously edifying and freeing experience.

I’m two classes away from finishing my B.S. in Economics, and I have CRUSHED this program! I have a 3.378 GPA and have already been accepted to a graduate Applied Econ program (on early acceptance, no less).  Completing this degree has been an extraordinarily challenging and empowering experience.

I’m speaking out against the hateful, intolerant insanity that currently grips our nation, and while I may not change a damn thing, at least I can say I made an effort.

I’m fortunate to have dear friends, who happen to be people of color, that help me check my privilege and who share their experiences with me, in such an open and honest way, that I’m learning to be a better ally to my fellow citizens.

T.W.D, special shoutout to you, girl! Our conversations feed my soul; you are amazing!

I’m fortunate to have friends that are authentic, sincere, and are OK when I say what’s on my mind because they say what’s on theirs.

Special shout out to you, J.L.H., if you’re reading this!

I’m fortunate to belong to an incredible support group, filled with people who get where I’m coming from, don’t judge me, don’t pity me and don’t treat me like I’m damaged, mentally fragile or "too sensitive."

I’ve spent the past year learning about, and learning to accept, who I am. I’m learning to speak and live my truth. I’ve learned to stop apologizing and say “Fuck you” to those who aren’t giving me what I need to be whole, healthy and at peace with myself.  I’ve learned to let go of the guilt and shame that has dogged me for as long as I can remember.

I can't wait to see what year 48 brings!

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

And Now For Something Completely Different

I whipped this little graphic up for one of my FaceBook groups; it has a fuck load of Canadian members, and they’re lovely. They’re also insufferably smug about their liberal PM,  their commitment to protecting Canadian citizens' civil rights, their lack of police killings and their universal healthcare. No, seriously, I adore Canadians; they're just the best people. I mean it, they're the best! 

I wonder if Bank of Canada is hiring.

I’m considering printing this out and posting in on my whiteboard, with “Mr. President” written above.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Some Don't Make It Out Alive

“Fuck me, 52 is too fucking young. Why are we Gen-Xers dropping dead?” I thought when I read that Chris Cornell was found dead in his hotel room in Detroit this morning. Tonight I learned his death was ruled a suicide. He left behind three kids.

Depression is a seriously evil monster. It sinks its teeth into you, and its bite poisons you, weakening you so you can’t fight back when it starts to devour you. I feel those teeth graze my skin every time I hear Chris Cornell sing “Black Hole Sun” or “Fell on Black Days.”  He hung himself last night; depression finally finished him off.

It's difficult for those who don’t suffer from depression to comprehend how someone so talented, who seemed to have it all, can get to a place where hanging himself seems a better option than living. I get it.

No, I’m not suicidal. But after battling my twin demons of depression and anxiety since I was in grade school (over 35 years), I can understand how a person ends up thinking death is the only path to peace. One expends such extraordinary amounts of energy, to stay just barely above drowning, that when you finally fall beneath the waves that final time, it’s comforting. It’s a relief.

You carry with you such deep pain and sorrow—and often anger—you wear out spiritually. The burden becomes too heavy, and you just can’t carry it one more step up that fucking hill. Nothing eases it; no amount medication balances you; no relationship makes you feel valuable and necessary. Your presence on this planet seems to make zero difference. Pain is the only thing left. Yes, depression is a gnarly motherfucker.

So why do some of us stick it out, when others decide “no more” and end their lives?  I suspect, in part, it’s because we retain the capacity to empathize, to understand that living with our pain is far preferable to the alternative: leaving those we treasure behind to suffer pain, anger, frustration, and confusion because we didn’t reach out and let them help. And I do think when it comes to surviving (and some days thriving) with depression; it’s all about letting those that love us share our burden.

The challenge is learning to trust that the nasty voices whispering, “you’re a complete shit; everyone hates you; every bad thing that happens is your fault; you’ll never be at peace; you’d be better off dead” are lying. They are trying to kill us.

We survive because we declare war, armor up and fight back.  Every day is a new battle, and some battles are bloodier than others. Some of us bleed out.

RIP Chris Cornell.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

A Tale of Misogyny and Fuckwittery

First Roger Ailes is ousted in a sexual harassment scandal—good riddance to bad rubbish and all
that—then this week, Bill O’Reilly is booted from the airways because, shocker, he sexually harassed multiple women. Certainty, it is no surprise that Ailes and O’Reilly are misogynistic asshats. It is surprising that Fox fired them, albeit only after lawsuits and the O’Reilly Factor’s top advertisers dumped their ad buys. 

Former Alaska Governor Sarah “I can see Russia from my house” Palin strongly suggested to CNN that Fox didn’t renew her contract because she refused to tolerate their sexist bullshit. And here I thought she'd do ANYTHING to maintain her celebrity. Apparently, even Sarah Palin has her limits. 

Though in a most excellent example of Spazzie contrarian nature, I somewhat hope that Fox News stops doing the right thing (i.e. firing misogynistic asshats) because it’s seriously fucking with my liberal bias.

Moving onto the “Fuckwittery” part of our tale.

The White House continues to amaze the American people with it’s revolutionary “Clown Shoes Doctrine,” the main tenet of which is that no one—not U.S. allies, not U.S. enemies, not even U.S. cabinet officials—have any idea what the fuck the administration is doing. Befuddled, much? 

These guys, apparently, did not know that running the world’s most powerful and influential nation would be THIS FUCKING HARD!  Sure, he might drop metric fuck tons of ordinance on civilian populations, but hey, isn’t it great that President Clown Shoes Asshat is “draining the swamp?”

And please someone, ANYONE, save Sean ‘Spicy’ Spicer from himself! I just cannot watch that train wreck anymore. Maybe he misspoke; perhaps he did not intend to minimize Nazi atrocities, but for fuck sake, Sean, “Holocaust Centers?” During Passover? What the hell is wrong with you?

The Guardian posted this handy hit list:  A history of Sean Spicer's gaffes as White House press secretary.

Spicy’s greatest; all him talking out of his ass. So, I must ask: if Spicy is this bad at his job, and he is the ‘face of the administration,' how clueless are the rest of these motherfuckers? Unfortunately, they’re not all just clueless. Some of them are aggressive, arrogant, thin-skinned, AND clueless.

If only we could have one of these guys back! I would even take Bush 43 back!

Then there’s this tasty tidbit: White House deflects responsibility for aircraft carrier confusion.

The White House incorrectly announced that a naval armada was sailing towards North Korea; no possible adverse follow-on effects from this little mistake, right? How sensitive could the situation in North Korea be, right? How twitchy could their crazy-ass ‘Dear Leader’ be? Surely, the Guardian is just a bunch of liberal media alarmists: North Korea nuclear threat: should California start panicking? 

Fortunately, Bubba and Spazzie live in a southern state where we can legally arm ourselves, with relative ease. Might not be enough to save us from the radioactive zombie hordes moving eastward in search of flesh food, but it is a start. I wonder if Amazon has a ‘doomsday prepper’ section?

Today’s Civics Lesson: here's why the smooth transition of power, the administration speaking with one voice, and continuity of government are So. Damned. Important. If the global community perceives the U.S. as unstable, this perception weakens our security position and emboldens our enemies. And there are a lot of bad actors out there, looking for an opportunity to Fuck. Our. Shit. Up!

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

From a Democrat, to the Esteemed Democrats in Congress: Stop Fucking About and Get To Work

As much as I despise our current President, watching his administration disastrously (and embarrassingly) blunder through its first 100 days brings Spazzie no joy. Chairman Nunes has yet to recuse himself from the Trump-Russia investigation, and Congressional Republicans prevailed in their quests to deny women access to affordable mammograms and pap smears, and deprive anyone who has an internet connection of essential privacy protections.

Bubba and I were discussing how broken things are (well, Bubba was discussing, Spazzie was mostly ranting), and Bubba rolled with “Do we have a broken government, or do we have a broken party system? Apparently, our government works, because we don’t live in a failed state. When the same party has the White House, the Senate, the House, and still can’t get legislation passed? I say we have a broken party system.”

Yes. We have a broken party system. Now, I damn sure bleed blue. I believe, without question, the Republicans’ policies are disastrous for anyone who isn’t super-rich or a corporation. But where are the Democrats?  

For a supposedly progressive party, Democrats in Congress are sickly and meek when it comes to fighting for policies that can improve the lives of Americans. Polices that protect our civil liberties, increase social and economic equality, provide affordable housing, protect our planet, and ensure that subsequent generations can realize upward mobility and prosperity.

I understand that creating good policy that addresses the needs of a diverse citizenry is hard. It’s especially difficult when our representatives exclusively represent their wealthy donors. Democrats are collaborators in a party system that rewards ideologues who refuse to govern, not moderates motivated to pass effective public policy.

The Washington Post’s new tagline is “Democracy Dies in Darkness.” You know what else kills democracy? Big money influence and a lack of commitment to a progressive agenda.

Do I, as a Democrat, feel invested and empowered? I do not, although Dems are spamming the fuck out of me with donation requests. And I give to particular candidates but fuck me; I want a return on my investment! Stop asking me for money to fight the Republicans’ conservative agenda, while rolling over when Republicans select a right-wing judicial activist for appointment to the Supreme Court!

Democrats need to stop fucking about and get down to work.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

Don’t Make Your Protagonist Rapey and ‘Just Say No’ to the Magical Negro Trope (with a Side of Kink for Flavor)

Well, Bubba and Spazzie finally watched Passengers. It was “watchable” enough. However, the movie left me unsettled, but I didn’t quite know why. So, Bubba and I started to break it down, because that’s the sort of thing we do. It’s why we don’t go to movies in theaters anymore; no fucking pause button!

I love having these conversations with Bubba. We can (and frequently do) talk for hours about THE STORY. Clearly, a sign we are meant to write. Bubba knows more about the technical aspects of story crafting than I, so I especially appreciate his perspective on stories I find dissatisfying. Bubba is a man who knows GOOD STORY.

Good Director? Yes. Morten Tyldum directed The Imitation Game, the Alan Turing biopic, which was outstanding. Alan Turning, Bletchley Park, and ENIGMA? Hell yes, I’ve watched it half a dozen times!

Good Writer? Yes. Jon Spaihts wrote Dr. Strange (unquestionably fantastic) and Prometheus (Bubba will throw a flag on this because he HATED Prometheus. Spazzie is hoping that this year’s Alien: Covenant will be an improvement because I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the Alien franchise).

Good Cast? Yes. Christ Pratt, Jennifer Lawrence, Michael Sheen, and Laurence Fishburn all gave fine performances.

So why did I feel cheated? I felt cheated because the movie shamelessly and egregiously trotted out the same old tired-ass tropes that Hollywood’s been mixing, matching and filming since Hollywood’s 'Golden Age'.

Trope One: Romanticized Abuse or Stalker with a Crush. So, Chris Pratt stalks Jennifer Lawrence, totally invades her privacy, and obsesses over her for ONE WHOLE YEAR, until his fantasies just aren’t getting the job done, so (like a Psych 101 textbook predator), he escalates! He kidnaps and (effectively) murders her.

Stalking isn’t romantic behavior; it’s horrifyingly scary. Three different men have stalked Spazzie in her life, and these were terrifying experiences. Someone says they love you so much they intend to cause you grievous bodily harm? Fuck that! Stalking isn’t romantic; it’s predatory.

And do NOT get Spazzie started on the “50 Shades of…” books. Why the fuck is it ok for RICH WHITE MEN to abuse women?  This meme illustrates these books' wrongness perfectly:

Let me clear. BDSM is not abuse.  If both partners are consenting adults, have equal standing in the relationship, and both enjoy such play, then it’s perfectly normal kink. That is not the case in these books. He manipulates her, subjugates her, and once she’s completely broken down, the Billionaire asshat transforms into Prince Charming.

Motherfucker, please!  Want to see some healthy BDSM — watch the first season of Billions. This show gets it right.

Trope Two: Black Guy Dies First.  WTF is wrong with you? Why would you give Lawrence Fishburn only 15 minutes of screen time? I like Pratt and J.Law well enough, but these kids got nothing on Jack Crawford, Morpheus, Othello, Ike Turner, Furious Styles and Tyrone 'Clean' Miller.

Bubba and I saw Thurgood when it played at the Kennedy Center a few years back, and it was a life altering experience. Laurence Fishburn was fantastic. Great story, performed by an exceptional performer, will make you see God. Hannibal is so, so, so good and you can probably binge the complete series on Netflix by now.

It was at this point in my “Lawrence Fishburn is fucking excellent” rant, that Bubba rolls with “Don’t make your protagonist rapey and ‘Just Say No’ to the Magical Negro trope. Now this made me stop talking, and start thinking. I had never heard it referred to as the “Magical Negro Trope,” but I exactly knew what Bubba was describing.

Spazzie: “Like Will Smith in Bagger Vance?”
Bubba: “Exactly. You didn’t know that’s what it’s called?”
Spazzie: “I did not.”

So, Bubba, through his deep love of the website TVTropes.Org enlightened me. Spike Lee popularized the term "Magical Negro" during a lecture denouncing this trope. It’s worth reading up on.  Especially within the context of the 2017 Denzel Washington/Casey Affleck Oscar drama. For real? How does Denzel Washington, directing and starring in August Wilson’s Fences NOT win at least one award?

The issue is representation and persistence of negative stereotypes. The issue is we have to fight for the opportunity to tell our stories. People are not one thing or the other. We can be many different, even contradictory, things. Isn’t that exactly what makes our stories so interesting and compelling?

I’m listening to “Hidden Figures. ” The author notes that, despite the numerous women (both white and women of color) who worked for NASA during the 1960s, the only people viewers saw on television were the astronauts (clearly) and the white, male engineers. The perpetuation of negative stereotypes and the lack of representation in our shared culture has consequences for our society.

Fast forward 50 years into the future, and the lack of representation leads to Internet trolls tweeting bullshit like “you can’t be a real engineer because you don’t look like an engineer,” to unsuspecting female engineers who, in the trolls' ignorant estimation, are too attractive also to be brilliant as fuck. Or people who are surprised by this guy:

Or a narcissistic fascist being elected President.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.

It's All About My Perspective

Yes, well. Spazzie is back on antidepressants, which means it’s been an exciting week for Bubba and Spazzie here at SpazzieGirl.Com. Mostly, it was a week filled with a fuck-ton of drama because Spazzie is struggling to maintain her grateful mindset. Spazzie allowed her state of ‘cogness’ to get the better of her this week.

Cogness:  one’s existence in the vast machine (commercial or public-sector, doesn’t matter, it’s just a different machine), as characterized by toiling away in obscurity, on seemingly irrelevant tasks. You know you’re a cog if the only time anyone gives a fuck about you is when you break (i.e. when you fuck up).

Sure, I can choose to believe that I am irrelevant, just a piece of machinery that no one thinks twice about, and then use my "irrelevance" as an excuse to be pissed off and self-destructive. I spent the first half of my life traveling the “pissed off and self-destructive” road; it didn’t work out so well. I am choosing to live the latter half of my life joyfully, and with a grateful heart.

And there is the root issue: Spazzie’s perspective. The truth is that if I am determined to see myself as obscure and irrelevant than I will BE obscure and irrelevant. This belief will inform every aspect of my being, every personal interaction. This toxicity will infect every moment of every single one of my days. Especially if I allow myself to obsess on the voices repeating "you are irrelevant; you are wasting away and no one gives a shit." 

Here’s where the “antidepressant” re-enters my narrative. Spazzie, who has both clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder, needs extra help maintaining a healthy and balanced psyche. My DNA pre-disposed me; my adverse childhood rewired me, permanently.

My first round of treatment with antidepressants (10 years back, now) wasn’t all that successful; the meds didn’t do much to correct my biochemical imbalances.  Of course, I was still drinking. Isn’t it funny how antidepressants are less effective when you actively compromise their effectiveness by doping yourself with a depressant?

This time I’m sober and hopeful that the meds will greatly increase Spazzie’s capacity to keep her shit in perspective.

Here’s the truth: cogs can be ordinary, irrelevant or cogs can be a thing of extraordinatry beauty. It’s all about perspective.

Silence Please - Steampunk Fairy by David Puertas.

Silence Please - Steampunk Fairy by David Puertas.

by Orlina Tucker
Copyright 2018. Orlina Tucker. All rights reserved.