Spazzie loves audio books. Currently, I have two self-help books in my listening library, Mark Manson’s, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Dr. Jack Schafer’s The Like Switch. Both are interesting and compelling, and they are NOT your traditional self-help books!
I just finished The Subtle Art and from the title, you would think the book is all about, well, learning not to give a fuck. In fact, the book’s core message is the exact opposite: trouble comes when we do not exercise our capacity to discern between those things about which we do (or should) and do not (or should not) give a fuck.
Mindfully giving a fuck engenders happiness; unhappiness comes from giving a fuck about the wrong things. So, if we’re unhappy, we should check our values and reassess. Spazzie’s new mantra is “Check your values.”
No, god dammit, I’m not planning to say to others “check your values” (though I can understand why you might think this)! I plan to repeat this whenever Spazzie gets all fired up, usually over something that is incredibly insignificant in the scope of her daily life. Because “Handling my shit” means accepting ownership of, and responsibility for, my negative emotions. It means acknowledging that no one (not even Bubba) is obligated to make Spazzie feel better about Spazzie but Spazzie.
But fuck me, this ‘mastering one’s negative emotions’ thing is hard! Changing learned behavior—i.e. dumping my negative feelings on others, whenever I feel them, regardless of the impact this dumping has on others—is a total bitch! Especially when that learned behavior is deeply rooted in familial dysfunction (shocker, Spazzie comes from a family of negative dumpers). It takes practice, and I fail way more than I succeed.
Side Note: to everyone who has listened to Spazzie bitch and moan about her shit, and her powerlessness to do anything about her shit, Spazzie is so fucking sorry! Jesus, I cringe thinking about it now.
But wait, there’s more! Spazzie does not casually connect with people; she is not naturally breezy or sunny. Spazzie’s either in full on, freak-girl mode (FOFGM) or she’s hiding out behind her resting bitch face (RBF). Spazzie has no filter and no talent for making polite chit chat (what other humans call ‘being friendly’).
Bubba just chimed in “…other humans, including Bubba.” Right, because unlike Spazzie, Bubba excels at being both charming and friendly. Of course, he should be better at “friendly”; he’s had so much more practice than Spazzie at acting human since he landed on our planet and all.
Pre-Enlightenment Spazzie drank to ease her social anxiety (didn’t help). And, my oh my, Spazzie carries around a fabulous fuck-ton of social anxiety! I joke about being “spikey,” but the truth is people freak me the fuck out. And since I must inhabit the world with, you know, other people, Spazzie thought it might be a good idea to gain some insight into how to act like a person. Here’s where the second book, The Like Switch enters this story.
The author, Dr. Jack Schafer, is a retired FBI profiler and Psychologist who built a successful career as an FBI Spy Master. Here are a few descriptive tidbits from Good Read’s synopsis:
"As a Special Agent for the FBI’s National Security Division’s Behavioral Analysis Program, Dr. Jack Schafer developed dynamic and breakthrough strategies for profiling terrorists and detecting deception. Now, Dr. Schafer has evolved his proven-on-the-battlefield tactics for the day-to-day, but no less critical battle of getting people to like you."
Well, fuck me! No wonder interacting with people is so scary, Dr. Jack, BATTLE is traumatizing for fuck’s sake!
"Learn how to think and react like your favorite TV investigators from Criminal Minds or CSI as Dr. Schafer shows you how to improve your LQ (Likeability Quotient), “spot the lie” both in person and online."
Roger that, Dr. Jack, people are criminals and liars, so I’m justified in being hyper-sensitive, hyper-vigilant AND heavily emotionally-armored around them.
"With tips and techniques that hold the key to taking control of your communications, interactions, and relationships, The Like Switch shows you how to read others and get people to like you for a moment or a lifetime."
Seriously? WTF, Dr. Jack? Your strategies for improving one’s “Likeability Quotient” sound way more like a ‘Beginners Guide to Luring Your Human Prey.'
I’ve just started listening to Dr. Jack’s book; Dr. Jack hasn’t convinced me that the solution to Spazzie’s social anxiety is training herself to act like a sociopath. But what the fuck do I know? Certainly, not how to casually interact with people. I do love gritty police procedurals, though, so I will keep listening. Without a doubt, the content is compelling.
It is also down right fucking disconcerting! Is Dr. Jack, right? Is the key to being likable just about surface characteristics? If so, I’m screwed (see above reference to full on, freak-girl mode/resting bitch face). Clearly, I need more practice.
Bubba just added, “...practice with other people, besides Bubba.”
You’d think he’d be satisfied that I like and practice with HIM everyday! Convincing Spazzie to show her true self to strangers, on a regular basis, might just be that bridge too far.
Bubba would like to point out that, in fact, the Panzers are on fire, in the above screen shot from the movie "A Bridge Too Far", and not the bridge itself.